Just Stop and Think

I’m in this really emotional phase of the month right now, and yes, it’s due to PMS.. =( I ALWAYS GET THIS AND I’M GETTING TIRED OF EVERYTHING.. It’s like a cycle (OF COURSE, IT’S A CYCLE, KIM.. IT’S YOUR PERIOD… aka Some-cycle-that-has-to-do-with-production-of-eggs.. ) i get all edgy and sensitive and i give bitchy faces to everyone that comes in my way..

The beginning of the day, i was actually very excited because the boyfriends family has planned a day-trip to the Borneo Rainforest for a, they call it, Day-Trippers Package.. Somewhat like a short tour around the huge *playground*.. And then there’s kayak-ing and river cruise and etc.. I was so excited, because it sounded like a huge pile of fun in the jungle..

So i went home and started to check the battery of my dslr, and wiped the lens and all.. Turned it on, and found out that it didn’t work.. =( S P O I L T .. The lens wouldn’t auto-focus, and no, i do not want to MANUAL FOCUS ANYTHING… ergh.. Instantly, my high and my excitement went down the drain and i felt like shit.. =( I still feel like shit… I WAS DYING TO TAKE PICTURES, AND IT FAILED ME… stoopidfcamera…

I just feel like crying and going to bed and just wake up and just get over that jungle-trekking or whatever day-tripper shit.. Furthermore, my bf doesn’t wanna go kayak-ing with me.. EVEN BETTER… sigh

Then i browse the web and came across a video.. Which is very inspiring.. but it’s still not working on me.. Hope it works for everyone else..

Besides from it not working on my emotions, it actually gave me a clearer view of Christianity for me.. Going through what i have gone through in some Baptist church in Miri, them leaving terrible memories for me.. I have been brought up thinking that Christians should be perfect and everything, and i got stuck somewhere thinking why are THOSE christians i came across full of lies and fake smiles..Why would they verbally attack me for no reason and Why are they such hypocrites and etc.. I was quite disappointed and i gave God up.. I gave him up because i am seeing false hope, i fear meeting uncles and aunties from that baptist church and i face fake people every Sunday.. I keep thinking why are they no like how the Bible portray Gods disciples..

But then, after watching this, i realise that whatever thoughts i have about Christianity is just an excuse.. Excuse not to be closer to God.. They give you fake smiles and they act as a church filled with hypocrites, they are sinning, and one day, they will come before God and they will realise what they are doing is wrong, and they will seek forgiveness, and change for the better..

every Christian sin and they sin a lot.. They say things they don’t mean and they say things that hurt me.. But they are human too.. After realising everything, i felt better.. felt better about what have been bothering me the past many years.. I used to think that God would judge us one day, but i was wrong.. God would never judge.. He forgives and forgives and forgives and will never stop forgiving.. And even if that uncle or that aunty is more wicked or being a hypocrite, God will treat us all equally.. because he love us all.. There’s nothing to feel disappointed about.. there’s nothing to feel hurt about… I now understand..

After watching this short film, different people will come across different self-realisation and also a different view of Christianity.. Do enlighten yourself.. You’re worth it.. =]

This film did not make my night better, but it made me realise how much God has done for me, and i should appreaciate whatever i have, even the tiniest things.. And i should enjoy the jungle tomorrow.. =(